MAKING JUDGMENTAL STATEMENTS NONJUDGMENTAL
Look at the phrases or sentences below and rewrite them, taking out the negativity while maintaining the core message. This is much easier to do when you are not in a difficult situation or angry and upset. However, this practice will help familiarize you with what truth without judgment looks like.
I’m worried you will not follow through when I’m counting on you.
Tip: One way to do this is to think about why you are upset, or how it makes you feel when this person does something that hurts or upsets you, instead of just describing the behavior or name calling. Instead of, You ‘re always late because you don’t care about anyone but yourself, try, When you are late, it makes me feel like you don’t care about me and that hurts.
Now try writing some truth without judgment statements
You are selfish and don’t care about anyone.
You spent the whole evening getting drunk and acting like a fool. Change to:
I hate how she shows off. Change to:
Write down a few judgmental, blaming, or negative comments you have made in the past and then change them to truth without judgment statements. (Tip: Keep in mind that in real conversation your tone and body language count for a lot.)
My original statement.
My original statement. Change to:
My original statement. Change to:
PRACTICING TRUTH WITHOUT JUDGMENT
Think of a person with whom you are upset or have unfinished business with, and write down what you would say to him or her, uncensored, without holding anything back.
Now write your truth about the situation, telling the person what you need to communicate, but without any negative comments or judgment.
Next time you are upset with someone, practice telling the truth without judgment and write about your experience below. Were you able to do it? How did the other person respond? Is there anything you would do differently next time?
Telling the truth without judgment does not ensure that others will not get mad or be hurt. You can only do your part. However, just like a tuning fork that sends out a certain vibration, we have found that when you stay connected to your soul self you can help bring out the soul self in others. Practicing truth without judgment will help improve the quality of your interactions and relationships. We have yet to find anyone who says otherwise. The following examples illustrate how these concepts have helped clients.
When I first learned truth without judgment I found it so simple to understand, yet difficult to do. The main reason is that when I’m angry and feeling the most judgmental it is hard to quiet my screaming upset ego and stop it from dumping all the negativity in my head onto the person I’m mad at. What really got me hooked on truth without judgment is that when I could do it, I discovered how great it worked. What I was communicating came across, but the other person was way less defensive and I got into far fewer arguments. I feel better inside when I have to approach people now with a difficult subject, because anger usually stays out of it when I can stick to truth without judgment through the whole conversation. This gets harder when the other person gets angry and negative, but it’s not impossible. I’m not exaggerating that this one concept has changed my relationships and my life.
Truth without judgment is one of the most important things I learned in treatment. I used to blame everyone around me for my feelings. I wanted people to change. If anyone hurt me, I felt justified telling them off, being critical and negative.
The problem is this was not really working, and I was miserable most of the time. The concept of ego and soul was helpful, but I did not think of myself as a spiritual person and did not grasp how to live from my soul self until I learned truth without judgment. It is not esoteric; it is simple. All I had to do was practice staying calm and not use any blaming, negative, or judgmental words. I’m not saying it was easy at first, it was hard, but once I got it, I could not believe how it made me, and the people around me, feel. I remember when I realized that although I had not thought of myself as a spiritual person, practicing truth without judgment is a spiritual tool that changed my life, so I guess I can say I am kind of spiritual after all.
Showing up, paying attention, and telling the truth without judgment may seem difficult, but the reality is that following these principles gets easier as you practice and see the benefits. There will be times when your ego is the only part of you showing up, your words fly out of your mouth full of judgment, or you have neglected paying attention in some important way. Once you realize what is happening, you can just get yourself back on track. Doing what you can to live by these guidelines will bring positive results, and the feedback and reinforcement you get will help you to continue following these principles until over time they become your natural way.