MAKEUP FOR EVER

NATUROPATHY

This is a detoxing therapy based on the idea that stress, pollution, lack of sleep and exercise and a poor diet all result in a build-up of toxins. Non-invasive _ treatments such as massage, hydrotherapy, herbal remedies and diet overhaul are used to return the body to a state of balance. See www.naturopaths.org.uk.

DOCTOR’S ORDERS

Anyone considering a detox should consult their doctor first. Detoxing is not recommended for anyone with diabetes, liver problems, gut ulcers or who is on warfarin therapy.

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First, let me say that the Onion is a satirical online magazine, so the satire is tongue-in-cheek, and in this instance, they take on well, here is the gist (or is it jest?) of the article, and I quote: Doctors at Johns Hopkins University announced . no progress has been made in the fight to cure Old-Person Smell. But it is our solemn vow to lead the fight against this strange, kinda-stale smell until no elderly person is family or friends have to experience that weird, sorta-medicinal, sorta-uriney odor ever again. Of all the Kinda-stale, sorta-medicinal, and sorta-uriney are not funny. So, my wrath is reserved for The Onion and the staffers who came up with all of this. do not get me wrong, like so many, I am a fan of satire, and granted, a lot of people, myself included, are willing to accept such headlines as, Dad is Eyes Light Up at the Sight of a Perfectly Packed Cooler. Or, Thirteen-Year-Old Drinking Prodigy Accepted by Ohio State. I can certainly relate to the first, and know very well that if a kid is not a drinking prodigy, he can go to Ohio State, or any other university for that matter, and become one. Now, having said that, I will be the first to admit, there does seem to be some substance to this old person smell. It can be detected in Granny is room, nursing homes, gerontologist is waiting rooms, churches, and, in some department store restaurants.

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