Should couples consult together pregnancy?
I firmly believe that if you are going down the assisted conception route, you need to do so as a couple. It is a journey that is fraught with emotional highs and lows and, if you are not both fully committed, cracks could start to appear in your relationship. It is very important that you are in this together, that you sit down and have a full discussion about how each of you feels, and how far you are prepared to go to have a baby.
Some of my clients are very disappointed that they have to go down the IVF route. They feel they have failed and are often very frightened as well because they are wondering if this is their last chance to have a baby. I always tell them that if they are supported, they will be able to go through absolutely anything. The most important thing with IVF, therefore, is to be fully supported by your partner and by anyone else you choose to tell.
I often find that men have only a vague idea, if any, of what the treatment involves and of the actual cost of assisted conception, whereas women, within 24 hours of deciding to seek treatment, have done all the research and have an almost encyclopaedic knowledge of the subject.
It can work well if the woman does the research – which she usually wants to do anyway – and then offers a precis to her partner, so that decisions can then be reached jointly, and he never feels left out of the process. It is not that the man is less interested, it is just that the woman is often the one who is most involved in the actual treatment, and therefore the one who is the most committed to researching the information fully.