is not one to sit on the sidelines.

So it’s hardly surprising that the Real Housewife,43, turned her year in prison due to end Dec. 23 into a fitness makeover. “She’s ripped, says a source. Her body is rock-hard. The logical next step is a branded workout program, which Teresa plans to start putting together after her memoir, Turrdng the Tables, is released on Feb. 9. In the meantime, here’s hoping hershlubby hubby Joe is similarly inspired during his time behind bars.


In days gone by, real mules were used to drag the ships through the locks, although today’s mules are little engines on rails, diesel-driven. Ropes were shackled to the mules, run through the rollers and secured to the ship; the little mules, small but strong, then towed us steadily through the travel destination locks. It was an interesting experience: Jimmy and I were posted on deck to watch for any veering off that might necessitate dragging a pudding fender into place to protect the ships plating from damage. This resulted in a quiet and gentle trip through for us for the eight hours it took to traverse the travel destination, mostly just watching the Central American world go by, between locks and smokos and minor crises. We reached Cristobal, on the Atlantic side, cast off the pilot and set course across the Caribbean for Curacao. Curacao was part of the Dutch Antilles and was famous among seaman for two things: the biggest oil refinery in the Caribbean – the Shell refinery – and the biggest brothel in the Caribbean: the Campo Alegre. Campo Alegre translates to ‘Camp Happiness’. Most people went to the Campo just to say they had been there and because they had a lively bar which made everyone welcome, even those who were not participating in the main activity. The crew queued up outside the chief steward’s office for king-sized subs for the Campo when we arrived. There was a regular bus from the docks and most of the off-duty crew clattered down the gangway in a swarm, clutching fistfuls of guilders, as soon as the ship was granted customs and immigration clearance.

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