From Facebook to Snapchat, we spend almost as much time online as we do with our kids – do you recognise yourself here?


ONLINE Not a single day goes by when you don’t post several snaps to your Instagram feed of your picture-perfect life. You show off your sexy-mama style, the super-healthy family brekkie you just whizzed up, or your sparkling clean offspring rocking the latest in kiddy-chic.


OFFLINE No one need know that off-camera, you’re actually super-stressed: it takes hundreds of shots and several hours to perfect your stylish selfies, coax the kids into appealing poses, and mop up their spills so everyone looks pristine. And when other moms are indulging in a soapfest with a welldeserved glass of wine after they’ve got the children into bed, you’re busy scrolling through the day’s pics deciding how you’ll change things up tomorrow and experimenting with borders and filters. It’s not easy maintaining a flawless Instamommy image, you know.


ONLINE You used to hate those moms who clogged up your newsfeed with the fawning kiddy pics and constant mommy chat… until you became one of them! But when your pride and joy is looking adorable, wins a school prize, or is rocking the best World Book Day costume EVER, you just can’t help yourself from posting. And why wouldn’t all your friends want to know about that explosive poo incident in OFFLINE You must admit that the number of hours you clock up chatting on Facebook far exceeds the number of hours that you spend actually talking to fleshand-blood humans. You guess you should be thrilled when your other half gets home or when your mom visits, but even when they’re trying to chat to you, you simply can’t resist the urge to check your phone every few seconds – in case someone has commented on your latest post.


ONLINE Being a mom doesn’t mean you’re out of touch, so when your teenage niece told you about Snapchat you were all over it. Now your ‘story’ is peppered with hilarious video titbits from you and the kids fooling around to that lip sync video you made when you and your friend had a few too many vinos. OFFLINE You refuse to be boring just because you’re a parent – you still kick around town in your Nike Air Max, Kim Kardashian could easily be your phone a friend contact on a gameshow, and your weekly manicure matters as much as your annual health appointments.


ONLINE From baking gluten-free cupcakes with the kids to giving yourself a Hollywood glam makeover, your vlogs show other moms how it should be done.

OFFLINE In your younger years, you were a pretty big deal – always the lead in the school play, the girl most likely to be famous in your school yearbook. You might not have landed a TV presenting job yet, but you have BIG plans for vlogging super-stardom.


ONLINE Back when you were a new mom, you felt totally out of your depth. How were you supposed to know which car seat to buy? How dangerous is it if they swallow a button? So you turned to Google and found new friends through mom forums. OFFLINE You admit you became so dependent on forum members that now you can’t make a decision without them. You even turn to them for relationship advice – and if your other half knew, he would have a fit, especially as you’ve never met these women. That’s normal though, right?


ONLINE Funny, fast and full of opinions, you’re a master at expressing yourself in witty, pithy sentences of less than 140 characters. You always know what’s trending and you definitely have something to say about it, whether it’s defending another breastfeeding mom who’s being lambasted by the public, or joining in the ridicule of the latest celeb baby name – how else will you get on the radar of your Twitter idol Anele Mdoda?

OFFLINE You’ve always thought of yourself as a writer, but never had the time until you became a mom, and you swapped full-time workaholic for part-time earner. You hope someone spots your way with words and offers you a column or a book deal. That’s how it’s done these days, right?


ONLINE From reviewing the coolest new kids’ wear to sharing every single detail of schlepping your offspring to karate, gymnastics, you name it, as well as splitting up backseat-of-the-car fights, you’ll blog about anything – and people seem to like it! Not only have you amassed thousands of followers, you’ve started to make a decent wad of cash from advertisers who’ve found you online.

OFFLINE You’ve always been a smart cookie and you can’t sit still. You knew you’d miss work when you went off on maternity leave originally, so you decided to create some for yourself. You’d never have guessed that a few years later, your blog could turn into a full-time job. Some days you spend more time blogging than actually parenting, but you think you still have a better balance than most working moms. Who needs sleep anyway?


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